Pejam celik sekejap je masa berlalu.. dah dua tahun berlalu, and sem depan praktikal, n then abis degreeeee!! yeayyy! hehhe tapi sedih  jugak la nak tinggal kb ni, nk tinggal housemates tercinta, n paling sedih nak tinggalkan kondo ni. heh nanti petang2 nak lepak mana, nk berangan mcm selalu lepak kat balkoni, rase angin fefeling titanic. nanti takde da nak rase camtu.. huwaaaaa sedihhhh!

Alhamdulillah, selama dua tahun, masih mampu berjuang mengejar impian.. hopefully takde lah subjek yang tersekat. heeee rase debor pon ade jugok nak masuk alam pekerjaan ni.. semoga dipermudahkan segalanya...

Emm, ape kate pegi topik kawin plak? hah gatai no kau aini.. takde lah, tak terpikir nak kawin dalam masa terdekat ni. dulu ade lah jugak angan2 nk kawin lepas abis degree ni. pikir2 balik, tak payah lah kot nk kawin bagai. lagi2 lepas tengok cerita lelaki curang pagi tadi. haha drama sangat kau aini..
oklah, rase malas la nk bercerita panjang2. mood tak sampai lagi. hahah. okay, chaww!

How Can I Be A Speaker, Like You?

How did you get that unbelievable keynote/speaking slot/invitation?
What can I do to get on the TED stage?
How can I be a speaker, like you?

Those were 3 questions from the last month from Yes & Know members. Instead of answering these questions one at a time in emails, I thought to do the answers as a “request” post. [Not quite Cheryl Strayed “Dear Sugar” column, but one has to start somewhere…]

Another question, people often ask is, ‘how do you come by it so naturally?’
That question is quite funny, if you’re me.


I’m 47 years old. My first “major” talk was when I was 19 years old, with ~ 200 people, in Sacramento California at a Embassy Suites Hotel conference room with bright fluorescent lights. That’s nearly 30 years to “come by it, naturally”. So, my first lesson is…

Start practicing, and never stop.
Not only do I remember that early venue, I also remember what happened: I mostly read my ideas. That reading just happened to be standing up, and behind a podium microphone. What this illustrates is that you build up capabilities, through experience. Long, slow experience, in my case.



Today, after each talk, I name just one (1) thing that I want to do better next time. Just one because I can remember, and act on it. And, not 20 because I’ll never nail it, if I try and do 20 all at once. But do one at a time, and over a period of experiences, it adds up.

While it sucks in the moment, naming the thing that failed lets you improve upon it. You might remember, I wrote a “what I learned from my TEDtalk failure” on Harvard Business Review, no less. Why do this? Because, to get good at the cycle of learning / unlearning / repeat, you gotta admit to not-knowing. You gotta name it, to not be afraid of it.



Invest in it.
When I was already committed to give my next talk on the main TEDstage, albeit a short 3-minute one, I spent a day and $1000 in a workshop on speaking aiming to land the opening line. Think about that.

1 day for 1 line. During that day, with Heather Gold facilitating, I went to bat 4 times for 3 minutes a-piece, with a smallish group of 8 people.

And this was not just an investment of time or money. It was an investment in humility, as I was vulnerable and raw while things didn’t work.

It worked out well, having launched a meme, inspired Stanford to do new research and so on.

For the idea I’m working on now? I just spent several days (and thousands of dollars) going to SXSW to speak as one of 12 designated “Featured Speakers”, along with Larry Lessig, Eric Ries, Bryan Stevenson, Reshma Saujani, Sarah Lewis of the Rise, etc. I wrote about that experience, here. I used the opportunity to develop entirely new stories, new visuals, new metaphor, and then delivered my best effort to date on this idea of Onlyness.



I used a “free” venue of sxsw (they weren’t paying me to be there), because I would never ask a paying client to give me a chance to rehearse. And, talking to myself in my bathrobe, is not the most effective a way to think out an idea. So, knowing I wanted to beta test the thinking, I used SXSW as the venue to do it.

Count up the travel, hotel, and graphic artist time, that talk alone was $10K out-of-pocket easy. I mention the expenses not to be tacky, or vulgar… but to give this topic of investment some dimensionality. Certainly, you have to give the time to develop an idea, but there’s loads of other expenses in “having the honor” of doing a TED or SXSW talk. My graphic-designed gorgeous deck I use for my professional speaking today? $40K for the first iteration of it, and I’ve lost track of how much money I’ve spent over the years adding to it, and refining it.

Oh, and how did I get that talk at SXSW? or TED? I got asked. And before you glamourize that, go back and read the “invest in it” paragraph (above). More opportunities show up, the better you practice. Of course, I did raise my hand to do several free talks at SXSW for years before I got asked to do a featured speaker spot. So, I’m not saying you don’t have to pitch yourself, but the thing about “the big moment” is it follows a ton of little moments. Any big moment is like a dollar that materializes after you’ve put in nickle-after-nickle not knowing if or how it’s going to pay off.

In other words, don’t look for a magic moment, or breakthrough… We, as a society, are enamored with the idea of one “tipping point” of success, but forget to realize that’s a construct created in retrospect, to tell a simple and heroic story, of a complex and messy reality.



Serve.
And, let’s remember that speaking is not an end unto itself.

It’s a way to further your life’s work, your mission. My speaking — for well over 5 years now — has been about how to make ideas powerful enough to make a dent. Speaking advances this mission:

Having new (and often underrepresented) voices at the table, because it matters to innovation.
To leaders because I get them, and because they can be the ones to celebrate onlyness.
Why collaborative practices, are key to curate greatness and win in the marketplace.

Speaking, in other words, is a method, a way to create a shift. Not the only way, but one way. And it is not for fame, but to serve the purpose. Quite often when people are asking, “how can I be a better speaker”, what they are unclear about is who they are serving and why. Get clearer on your intention, and align your actions behind that.

And related, focus on the impact of the community you’re there with, not on yourself. Get out of your head, out of your ego. Even though I am someone who researches and has evidence behind all my ideas, it’s not about “my proof” as much as it is about “their experience”. The other day I watched a speaker talk about his brand, and such but very little was relevant to the audience. They had to do a lot of work to figure out what part of what he said was for them. Mostly he was there pitching why his company rocked.

But to serve the audience is different … remember it’s about others, and how you are serving an idea, and connect it to those you came to address. My speakers bureau in the US, Speakers Spotlight, has a phrase:


A speech may last 60 minutes. Its impact can last forever.

Impact only happens when you understand how to deliver impact giving that audience, and their context and to step outside of you wanting to be seen a certain way, and move to what they need from you. If you’re lucky, you share your idea with such passion and it connects so deeply, that the audience steals it for their own and starts to spread it with vigor. But if you go into it with the focus on that outcome, not in service to others, your idea never spreads. Weird, right? Wanting to have your idea spread is a little like the Sorcerer’s Stone in Harry Potter; if you want it for yourself, you can never have it.



Study the art.
My husband says he can’t sit next to me anymore at conferences because I mutter to myself about what other speakers are doing. While I sincerely hope this isn’t true, I worry it is.

This, like so many things, can be studied… Some ideas for doing so:
Go to conferences. Corporate venues don’t tend to serve this goal for a variety of reasons. But cross-functional events, do. For example: Watermark in Silicon Valley, PopTech in the East Coast, Wired in London, DLD in Germany, The Art of series in Canada, and MIT are venues known for organizing fresh ideas, and fantastic speakers. Cross-functional venues are important because the speaker has to get beyond jargon and the domain knowledge, and that always leads to the speaking itself being important.

Books. I know there are tons of books (!) on this topic, some of which I’m sure are good. What are your favorites? The ones I turn to are by Nancy Duarte who nails the structure of speaking. She literally won an Oscar for best slides, when Al Gore got one for Inconvenient Truth. And I am looking forward to the upcoming book by Gina Barnett, who coaches TED speakers. She’s coached me twice and I’ve learned a great deal from her. Some of her tips from her upcoming book, here, and get her full book here.

Corporate Speakers Primer: For those wanting to serve a corporate audience, I was struck with the wisdom of Liz Wiseman in this piece by Dorie Clark: especially to “staple yourself to the problem”. It’s why I’ve priced my workshops ~ the same as keynotes. It’s how I can bring my 20+ years of operational experience to working in depth with a team on their real-life collaboration challenges. In my experience, a transformation isn’t created by one speaker mesmerizing others with a clear idea, it’s in the conversation that ensues between the team, and the ensuing decision they make together. My workshop design enable that conversation to happen.

And, a Conference Speaker primer: Laura Fitton wrote about how to land a conference talk, so I’ll turn it over to her for “how to land a speaking gig at the conference of your dreams”.

I hope any / all of that is helpful, and if you wish… you’ll be a SuperStar.

***

The #1 mistake any of us make in navigating the #socialera? Doing it alone.

So, let’s learn together — what do you think makes a great speaker? Who are your favorites, and why? Any questions you have, other resources you want to add, or comments to make. Let’s help one another do better, be better and make our ideas big enough to dent the world.

" When someone comes into your life, Allah sends them for a reason. Either to learn from them or be with them till jannah "

Perpisahan. Clash. Break up. Putus.

Kata orang bijak, manusia tak memiliki apa-apa kecuali pengalaman hidup. Kita sedar kita tak pernah memiliki apa-apa pun, kenapa harus tenggelam dalam kepedihan yang berlebihan ketika kita kehilangan?

Suatu hari nanti kita akan rasa betapa bertuahnya diri kita. Kita akan sedar betapa beruntungnya Kita diuji sebegitu. Cuma awak kena bangun dan teruskan hidup terlebih dahulu

Takdirkanlah yang terbaik untukku apapun keadaannya dan jadikanlah aku redha dengannya.. amin..

Rasanya dah lama tak menulis dalam blog ni. as usual, I'm very busy with my study, tests, presentations and assignments. dalam masa seminggu lagi aku akan menghadapi final exam, tapi masih tak sedar diri. masih di awang  awangan, memikirkan banyak benda. kadang2 rasa stress, kadang rasa bosan, kadang rasa emotional. entahlah, aku sendiri tak tahu ape yang hati aku nak.

TAKDIR. ape itu takdir? pernah tak kau salahkan takdir tuhan atas ape yang jadi pada kehidupan kau? ye, aku pernah salahkan takdir, even i'm know it is wrong. takdir tuhan, siapa kita untuk persoalkan? you think Allah akan bagi semuanya indah untuk kau? kau salah. ujian yang Allah bagi tu tanda Dia sayang kau. Dia rindu kau, Dia rindu nak tengok tangis kau padaNya, Dia rindu doa kau.
TAKDIR. there are reasons behind what had happen. kau mesti percaya tu! sama ada kau nampak atau tak je hikmah sebenar ujian kau tu.. orang nampak pada luarannya kau kuat, tapi sebenarnya hanya kau yang tahu kau kuat atau tak. tapi percayalah, Allah takkan bagi ujian yang hambaNya tak mampu nak hadapi. sebesar besar masalah kau, ada lagi yang hadapi masalah lagi besar dari kau. kau rasa dunia ni tak adil? kau silap. Allah tu Maha Mengetahui, Maha Pengasih dan Penyayang. Dia akan bagi yang terbaik untuk hambaNya,  sama ada cepat atau lambat je.
TAKDIR. bila kau dah usaha sedaya upaya kau, tapi tetap Allah tak menyatukan. kau suka dia, kau dah buat semuanya untuk jadi perfect. tapi dia masih tak boleh terima diri kau. kau rasa sampai bila kau akan jadi bodoh tunggu dia sedangkan dah memang takdir kau bukan dengan dia. satu je, plez move on and plez try  open your heart to another man who is more better than him. just forget the pain, the memories, and start a new life. maybe your happiness not with him, but with another man who can make you smile everyday, who can take care of yourself, who can make you feel that this world is only for both of you. oh bilalah nak jumpa jodoh camni ye? hahaha..

So the conclusion, just go on with your life. make something that can make you happy. just believe Him, and percaya pada takdir. and kalau betol dia bukan jodoh kau and kau sayang dia, doakanlah untuk kebahgiaan dia. mungkin kebahgiaan dia bukan bersama kau. bila mana kau mampu untuk doakan kebahgiaan dia dengan orang lain, bermaksud kau dah sedia untuk lepaskan dia, dan kau dah belajar apa itu 'redha' dan apa itu 'takdir'.

The end.

1. Orang yang kita suka, sayang dan hormat di masa lalu (atau sekarang), dimana dia melayan kita seperti sampah, tiada apa yang boleh kita harapkan daripadanya pada masa akan datang, melainkan hanya sakit kepala dan sakit hati serta perasaan.
2. Salah satu saat yang paling berharga dan penting dalam hidup kita adalah apabila saat dimana pada akhirnya kita mempunyai kekuatan untuk melepaskan apa yang kita tak mampu ubah, seperti perangai dan keputusan orang lain
3. Allah mempunyai rancangan yang lebih hebat buat kita, dimana ia tidak akan membuatkan kita menangis siang dan malam atau membuatkan kita patah hati lagi. Yakinlah bahawa lelaki yang baik hanya untuk perempuan yang baik, dan begitulah sebaliknya.
4. Kebenaran memang pahit; Kadangkala kita perlu merasa perit jatuh ke tanah dahulu, sebelum dapat berdiri lebih tinggi dan lebih kuat dari sebelumnya.
5. Dunia masih belum berakhir: – biasa kita merasakan kehilangan seseorang yang kita sayang adalah seperti dunia mahu kiamat. Tenang, masih banyak peluang dan ruang untuk kita.
6. Kadangkala orang tidak akan perasan apa yang kita beri dan korbankan selama ini sehinggalah kita berhenti membuatnya. Dan kadangkala juga, semakin banyak peluang yang kita beri, semakin kita tidak dihormati. Cukup-cukuplah. Jangan biarkan orang lain berasa selesa tidak menghormati anda. You deserve better.
7. Sesetengah babak dalam kehidupan kita berakhir tanpa penutup. There’s no point in losing yourself by trying to fix what’s meant to stay broken. Satu hari nanti kita pasti akan merasa bahagia dengan kehidupan baru, dengan syarat kita tidak lagi meletakkan harapan pada kisah yang lama.
8. Tarik nafas dalam-dalam. Ketenangan bermula apabila kita memutuskan untuk tidak membiarkan orang lain atau apa yang berlaku mengawal emosi kita.
9. Kita jangan mengambil hati sangat dengan apa yang orang lain cakap-cakap mengenai diri kita. Apa yang mereka fikir dan ucapkan adalah refleksi diri mereka yang sebenar, bukan kita.
10. Orang yang mempunyai kekuatan untuk berjaya dalam tempoh yang panjang adalah mereka yang membina kejayaan diri mereka menggunakan batu-bata yang dilempar orang lain terhadap mereka.
11. Biarkan parut yang masih berbekas mengingatkan kita bahawa; kesakitan yang dilakukan orang lain pada waktu lalu telah menjadikan kita semakin kuat, lebih bijak dan tabah.
12. Bila kita kehilangan seseorang atau sesuatu, jangan fikirkan ia sebagai satu kehilangan. Tetapi anggap ia sebagai satu kesenangan yang meringankan beban kita, supaya kita boleh mengembara dengan lebih baik dalam perjalanan hidup.
13. Kita tidak akan terlepas apa yang telah ditetapkan untuk kita, walaupun ia datang dalam arah yang bertentangan. Oleh itu sentiasa tenang dan stay positive.
14. Membandingkan diri anda dan orang lain, atau persepsi mereka, hanya akan menenggelamkan kemahuan hati, kecerdikan dan kebebasan pemikiran kita. Tiada siapa yang boleh mengawal keadaan hidup kita sekarang lebih baik melainkan anda sendiri.
15. Lebih banyak kita isi kehidupan kita dengan tujuan dan semangat yang tulen, semakin kurang masa dan tenaga yang kita bazirkan untuk memuaskan hati semua pihak.
16. Kadangkala, perubahan dalam kehidupan adalah peluang yang sempurna untuk melepaskan satu situasi untuk menghadapi sesuatu yang lebih baik yang akan datang kepada kita
17. Sekarang adalah permulaan baru. The possibilities ahead are endless. Jadilah cukup kuat untuk melepaskan, cukup berani untuk bergerak ke hadapan, cukup rajin untuk bekerja keras dan cukup sabar untuk menunggu apa layak untuk kita!

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